In Infictive (XXXVII)

A review of events from the end of January 2013 and start of February 2013.

Today is Monday, February 4, 2013, and it may be the birthday of Tadeusz “Thaddeus” Kościuszko, that tireless revolutionary hero of certain Polish and American rebellions. Or it may not. The timeline is fuzzy. Who can say for certainty? Can you even trust our reporting on the week that was? CAN YOU? DO YOU?

• Protests and permit troubles did not prevent the local Uglavarian Culture Exchange from hosting a celebration marking Ugla-Day (February 1) and the beginning of the week-long Ugla-Fest. After being denied access to their preferred venue, the event was held in a conference room at the Beaudoin Inn, opened to select members of the public. Naturally, no one on our staff was included on the approved guest list, but we are told that the party included performances by a few regional bands, including Dada Cabinet, and a fermented meat drink similar to Vrosh was on offer at the buffet table.
• Groundhog Day (February 2) has come and gone, and left us to consider the prognostications of our furry fellows. Of particular note, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted an early spring, and his fellow Staten Island Chuck agreed, making glad news for many New Englanders; meanwhile, in Atlanta, General Beauregard Lee predicted a longer winter. Hail to you, wise whistlepigs.
• It has been formally confirmed that Wardlow Deane will remain on as County Manager for one more year, after which he will be retiring. Informally, we’re told Deane would have been pushed out immediately in favor of Asa Bajko Donlevy were it not for the desire for continuity to guarantee Libreville is able to fully expand its city limits outward to include land presently under county jurisdiction, which, if all goes according to plan, will be finalized later this year.
• The surprise hit at the local cinema this weekend was “The Soda Movie”, the cinematic debut of Soda Man, who wrote, directed, and starred in the film. The story concerns a ban on soft drinks following a tyrannical President’s cornering of the coffee market, the corrupt leader imposing a pro-coffee regime on the United States under the guise of healthfulness; naturally, our hero, Soda Man (playing a fictional version of himself), opposes both the ban and the President, setting the stage for soda insurgency to sweep the land. Despite being a complete mess in the scripting department, to say nothing of some confused and confusing acting, “The Soda Movie” manages to partially overcome its flaws by playing up its dynamic energy and spicy, psychedelic undertones. It will continue its run at the Cube Theatre for the rest of February and opens in other limited markets in the coming weeks.
• Noted blogger Olo Goldworth (GoldworthSaysHOOEY!) offered a reward of twenty-five thousand dollars to anyone who could provide photos of the alleged sighting of Motley Howe (dressed as Elvis Presley in some accounts), who several witnesses claim they saw partying in a West Texas trailer park this weekend. Howe, who died last November but whose body was subsequently disappeared during transport to the morgue, has been a popular subject of conspiracy theories, helped by the fact that police investigators admit they are stumped by the case, and, in a statement, said they “find it unlikely the remains will be recovered in the near future.”

So went the week In Infictive… or did it?